Trying haiku

Grateful dead revival 

Residues of plastic 

Blurred amethysts 

Of no known origin 

Impartially playing 

With the translucency of a high    

raise your hand if you can relate to this and to that , don’t be fucking shy, we are all on here keeping-a-look- out-for beachglass, G’nite

Read me

I am sadden by your inability to rationalize this explosion of emotions with me.

It is easier for you to hate me, dislike me.

I have been on both sides of the spectrum. Married twice, which does not make your husband my ex. Just simply the father of my child. The child I lost 22 years ago.

Won’t make any excuses for my behavior. It was wrong. I believed in him. And before I knew it I was caught up in a web of old feelings. Regretting very much ever taking his phone call.

It is easier to see me as a lunatic. Creating a false version of the truth. I suppose if we had no history I would have brushed all of it off.  Instead my impulsiveness got the best of me. My writings became erratically out of control, unable to function, or be.

My friends pointed out the things that I couldn’t understand or process. They where sympathetic to my insistency in wanting an answer knowing that I was never going to get one. That was never his intention.

They said; just because you seek closure doesn’t mean the other person wants it. Perhaps his silence was his way of closing the wrong doings. This was difficult for me to accept when I have known him for so many years.

I’ve said many harsh things to you out of anger. And so have you. They are hurtful.

And if I have read your words it is not  because I like drama, or I am a psycho or a stalker like you have repeatedly stated. It is because I have struggled with this just as much. Wanting nothing more than my feelings validated.

I just ask that you stop paining me, with what you know of me. Both of you have used my unraveling sickness and turned it into nothing but mockery. Working on the continuity of myself is an ongoing effort.

Coming straight at you with an apology has not been easy. But I had too. You deserve it.

Closing this, being as honest as I could be.