I stay

you walk past me
like you’re still carrying the outside in with you

the door closes
but it doesn’t take it with it

keys fall
bag falls
your hands don’t

they reach for paper
like it won’t ask you anything back

you don’t look at me
not yet

and I want to tell you

it can wait

you can sit first
you can breathe

but I don’t have that kind of voice

so I stay quiet

like always

you work fast
too fast

like something is right behind you
breathing
calling your name
in a voice you don’t answer

I hear it

I wish you could hear it
the way I do

but I can’t give it to you

I can only watch
as your hands press harder
like pressure might fix it

I have seen you in other lives

same body
different light

this home has seen it too

birthdays
graduations
deaths

walls holding sound
long after it leaves

your sons became men

one by one
they walked out of these rooms

carrying pieces of you with them

the doors closed softer each time

and the house learned
how to be quiet

you used to turn toward it

now you turn inward

and I

I remember everything
you don’t say out loud

you move like a held breath

like if you stop
everything will rise at once

I want to tell you
it’s already there

it’s not waiting

but I am not made for words

so I sit

and breathe slow
for both of us

you go somewhere

I know the place

your body stays
but you leave it

your eyes change

the room feels it

I go with you

I always go with you

because I can

because you don’t know how
to stay there alone

you give things up early

like you’re afraid
of what might stay

I want to tell you

not everything that stays
hurts

not everything that grows
will take from you

but I don’t have language

only presence

only this small body
that follows you
without question

there are others

I know them too

the ones you don’t speak about
but carry anyway

I feel them
in the way your breathing breaks
in the way your hands hesitate
over nothing

I sit with you there

I wish I could say
their names with you

I wish I could tell you
they are still soft inside you

but I can’t

so I stay

there are nights
you are not here

even when you are

you sit in front of me
but you are somewhere deeper

and I want to call you back

I want to say
come here
stay here
with me

but all I can do

is walk closer

sit beside you

wait

and then

you come find me

not because I called you

but because something in you
remembers

my stillness
my quiet
my staying

your hand reaches

your body softens

your breath returns

and I feel it

that moment
when you come back into yourself

I would tell you
you don’t have to leave like that

I would tell you
you are safe here

I would tell you
you are still whole
even when you feel like you are not

but I was not made
for your language

so I stay

where you can find me

every time you forget
where you are